On days like these, I sit and ponder the past. I’ll be the first to say, I don’t think it’s beneficial for anyone to dwell on and in the past wishing and hoping for a do-over. Quite obviously, we can’t go back to those days, all we can do is keep moving forward. However, I’m a firm believer in not forgetting the past, and every once in a while it can be incredibly beneficial to sit and think back on the good times that got you where you are today and the people who were on the journey with you.
As I go through the •thousands• of pictures on my phone (yes, seriously, thousands) I’m taken back through the past year and a half of my life and I can’t help but get a little sentimental about those wonderful days. I see pictures of when I got my wedding dress, when I married the most incredible man I’ve ever known, and when I got to see that man, my amazing husband, become a United States Airman at his graduation ceremony (and honor grad).
I saw pictures from my visits to Texas during his second part of training and I’m reminded of all of those special times and moments. Obviously it’s not all happiness as I also stumble upon the pictures from my first pregnancy and miscarriage, those are hard to see. Yet, I see this picture from the week I miscarried and I see my husbands arms around me tight, holding me and protecting me from my own thoughts and sadness.
I see his strength even in his pain and it’s so beautiful to me. I see a man who can’t stand to see me hurting and wants to make everything better. I see a soon to be daddy broken by the fact that this is a problem he can’t fix and hurting because he’ll never hold that sweet baby we had been dreaming of. Even seeing those pictures, the tough ones to look at and remember, I’m reminded of pure love and support.
I met this cute guy at the age of 16 in a movie theater not having a clue what life had in store for us. I couldn’t have dreamed up a more perfect love story, even with its imperfections along the way. We’ve helped each other grow in so many ways. He was the person I needed in life. He taught me how to be calm and relax and enjoy things without taking everything so seriously and worrying every step of the way. He’s taught me how to let go and live a life of happiness. When I say, he’s my other half, I truly mean it in every way. I was given exactly what I needed to help me grow into who I need to be and he’s still helping me daily with that.
I’m a young woman. I turn 22 years old tomorrow. In many people’s eyes, I’m •too• young to be where I am now in life. I’m glad those people didn’t make my choices for me because I can’t imagine my life differently. Besides maybe being a rock star, I have everything I could possibly need right now. I completely understand that different people want different things out of life. I get that not everyone dreams of just being settled and having a family, but I would hate to think people were out there thinking I gave something up to have what I have now. Like I lost something, when really, this is like a surreal dream to me. I’m looking back over the years and all of my choices and I made poor decisions, as we all do, but this life I’m living, as coopers wife and expecting mama, isn’t one of them. Does that mean it’s always easy? Absolutely not. Is it supposed to be? No, I don’t think so..life would be very boring if everything was easy. Does it mean I’m done growing as a person and adult? Definitely not! Am I absolutely terrified of being a mama sometimes? Of course, it would be crazy not to get a little scared when imagining being responsible for a human life! I wouldn’t change a thing though, even if I could.
I’m enjoying seeing where life takes us. I love being on this journey with my best friend. I love that Cooper loves me so completely. I love that he wanted a family just as much or possibly even more than I did. I love that he thinks I’m going to be the best mama to our boy and I •love• picturing him holding our son because he’s going to be the best dad. I love that no matter what happens he’s my partner for life. We could have made other choices, waited to get married and waited to start a family…but if we had, we wouldn’t have been making the choices that •we• wanted for our life together.
I’m going to continue walking down memory lane tonight, looking through all of these pictures and seeing pure happiness on our faces just because we have each other. I’m going to try and enjoy every second with this man, and as I welcome in a new year of my life I’m going to look forward to the many adventures to come with him by my side. Side note: I can’t wait to meet our son.
So, here’s to turning 22 tomorrow and being so incandescently happy.