It’s been a while since I’ve taken the time to really go through my thoughts and write them down so I figured with so much going on in our lives right now, I needed to take a few moments to do just that. I think clearing your head is a necessary part of life and the way I clear mine happens to be through writing. Unfortunately my cat chewed through yet another computer cord which is why I haven’t blogged in ages. I’m writing this on my iPhone notes so I apologize for the inevitable typos to come.
My life, and coopers, has been consumed, as of late, by all things baby. Most of the time, these are all happy and fun things that make us more excited to enter into the world of parenthood. Occasionally, just as I’m sure all expecting parents feel, we go through phases of what are we getting ourselves into and the fears of money and just life in general come creeping into our souls. I feel like these thoughts are normal, Cooper and I both do a pretty good job at facing those things and discussing them and then moving forward in excitement when we center our thoughts around the love of God and the joy that we know this little boy is going to bring us.
The thing that was consuming my life in an incredibly negative way was the fear of the birthing process. My entire life, I’m blessed to say, hasn’t led me to this fear. I was blessed by so many incredible women in my family that never made me fear the birthing process and many girls growing up today can’t say that. It is filtered in through media and pop culture that we are to expect the most indescribable amount of pain. As young women how could we not fear something that when displayed on television is portrayed as the worst moments of a women’s life? All that we hear is the screaming, the yelling for an epidural, and intervention after intervention.
We are brainwashed from a young age to use the birthing process as a crutch (along with things that we go through as women that allow us to be pregnant in the first place) we hear, “well WE have to go through the pain of childbirth” and many other variations of that as women use it against men regularly..as if they have any control over who is the person going through it.*
I have a deep challenge to all of you women and mothers out there, APPROACH IT DIFFERENTLY. If we took the time that we do instilling the fear of the pain to teach girls and other women the indescribable BLESSING we have in carrying and birthing a precious human being into this world…maybe many births would turn out differently.
When you approach something in fear, your body naturally tenses up, which creates more pain (viscous cycle you guys). News flash ladies, no matter how tense and fearful you are, that baby still has to come out at some point or another.
I’m indebted to the makers of hypno birthing and hypnobabies. This program is meant to help you enjoy your pregnancy and look forward to your birth for what it is, an absolute miracle and blessing no matter how it takes place. It centered my mind again, it brought me back to what I’d always known growing up. Instead of approaching birth negatively and in panic and fear, I now look forward to the process and with every step I’ll be closer to holding the gift that is my son.
I challenge you other mothers to THINK before you open your mouth when speaking to an expecting mother. For some reason, many women take it as a chance to tell horror stories about birthing..do you not remember being in that position leading up to birth? That is the last sort of story an expecting mother needs to hear. Instead, how about staying positive and saying, no matter what happens, you were literally made for this.
I love that in my hypnobabies courses they change the terms we use for all parts of the birthing process from negative to positive terms. We go from using the term labor, to birthing time and contractions to pressure waves Ect. It has helped reshape my thought process and I’d encourage any expecting mother to invest in classes or the home study course.
I’m not in any way saying that people don’t have negative birthing experiences. Nor do I ever want to come off as insensitive to other mothers for what they went through. Look at it as, maybe it’s insensitive to expecting mothers to instill fear in them when birth is inevitable. I know of many women who go into it trying to stay positive and leave with a negative story. What I’m trying to say is, change your focus. Instead of focusing on the negative which you can no longer do anything about, focus on the positive. No matter what, there is a positive to every situation. If you genuinely can’t think of yours, tell me your story after I have my baby boy and I’ll point it out for you.
I think our country needs to make a change for women. We are strong. We were made to be mothers and made to give birth to little miracles. I’ve heard some people say, well God even made it to be painful as a punishment on women because of Eves choice; I have a rebuttal for this. Maybe, just maybe, the real curse is fear of pain and the unknown. Maybe God wants you to approach it in complete trust and peace in him and only then can you see the beauty in the curse.
No matter what I do, my son is going to come into this world via my body. I have two choices, one is to live in fear because of it and approach it wanting interventions to take away the feelings. The second, and much better option in my opinion, is to approach it with joy and peace because at the end of whatever experience I have, I’ll have a little baby to stare down at and think, look what we’ve accomplished.
These have been thoughts that have been growing and just festering in my brain that I needed to share and for any other expecting mamas who read this, WE CAN DO THIS!!!! For any mamas who have had negative experiences, my heart hurts for you but let me just say, GO YOU because you did it, you brought a baby into the world and for that you deserve a giant hug. For those of you who aren’t even thinking about children yet or maybe don’t even want them because of the way we’ve been brainwashed, I challenge you to look at birth through different eyes and give yourself a chance.
So, as I go forward into my last 10 weeks of pregnancy, I am putting my focus on the joy of my baby boy that I’m going to get to meet soon and I can’t help but have a giant ridiculous looking smile on my face.
Side note: *Please don’t assume I mean that men shouldn’t be supportive and comforting during birth because that’s absolutely ridiculous.